About four years ago a coworker of mine transferred to my store. I had an instant crush on him for the longest time. It would come and go over time. Especially since it was a known secret that he had a thing for another co-work of mine (known as Girly.) And as a straight female even I get it. But he would hang with me at break until sometime a year or two ago when he started hanging with her. This is about the time I started gaining most of my weight, and yes t crossed my mind but not seriously.
So my crush faded as all mine do when there is no contact. I don’t crush on people just based off there looks. I even had a convo with a friend who worked with me about this and told her that I have no idea why it faded. I like him as a person.
He has many traits that I would look for in a guy to seriously commit. But when neglected I tend to build up armor. He’d be nice enough but distant with me. Until a couple weeks ago that is. I thought very little of it. I happened to be hanging down with Girly wanting to finish a convo we were having just before break. I also loaned him a CD to listen to about the same time. It was a couple days ago that I noticed that he was hanging out near me more than before. This morning proved it.
While on break instead of sitting next to her he came and sat near me, but in the next group over. I was busy studying for my upcoming test and not very social during break. After break the team was sent to One-Spot. (Small area in front of the door.) He started a conversation with me while we worked. When I was done with my box I left to finish what I was working on before break. It only took a couple minutes and I returned to the front to help clean up. He asked me to help even though it was a handful of items. We continued talking.
This is where my mind goes “What?” It seemed like he was flirting with me. And again I like him as a person and physically. But there’s this nagging feeling that my weight played a larger part in him not talking to me the past year or so. I get that some people have physical preferences and such, but that really felt off to me.
Today that old feeling started stirring and I shook it off. My mind, that it is, went something like this.
“But why?”
“Because you can’t trust this.”
“Why not?”
“Sigh. Just listen to me. It’s not worth the hurt.” And this is once again my problem. Now in reality this isn’t a good relationship or anything, but why does my head over think things? And why are guys so shallow? Why do they only come onto you when you look a certain way? Why do we feel that should be okay now days?
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